you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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