the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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