It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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