I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Green mimosas i think yes
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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