I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
