ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Your penis caused this!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
