he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
