So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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