he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
