And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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