So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
