Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.