Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
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