Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
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She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
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Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."