So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?