She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize