You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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