i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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