well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
