her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
