At least make sure they are 18
Why
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Houston, we have a blender
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
