Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
