Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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