Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
