I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
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There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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