we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
