1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
