I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
