Those balls look pretty dangerous.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
