I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize