My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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