Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
