We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
