I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
