i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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