it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
