I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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