Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
