One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
