Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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