They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
