could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize