No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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