Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
