im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
