No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
