I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize