She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
