new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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