I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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