she was so not down for the gang bang
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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