How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
