Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
please come you make the beer taste better
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
