Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
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Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
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At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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