I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
