he thought i was a dude.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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