Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
