puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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