The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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