Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
