he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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