new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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