I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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