There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
