You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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